30th  April 1982, the day I gave birth to my second child, a son who brought delight to his grandfather, father and his nana dada! Little do they know how I saved his abortion. The first time I conceived, my husband made me abort the child stating we could not afford the baby, while they were wealthy enough, I did not understand the implications but on aborting, faced acute depression and minimal after care....I felt I had committed a sin! This time around he fixed an appointment with the same doctor, I arrived earlier and requested the doctor to refuse. I was afraid to challenge my husband but the doc helped.....and the only heir apparent was born! It was a tough delivery, the umbilical cord wound around his neck, incubated and survived! The pregnancy was a very unhappy one and rather tough and lonely! And the nightmare of looking after both the tiny tots almost single handed......both these kids faced a tough existence but simultaneously were pampered. Mine was a tough existence to say the least! However, the joy of seeing the children develop and grow was a pleasure. The best moment in a woman's existence is when the child is born...the spanda, the cry and the little being that you nestle in your arms.....it is a fulfilling emotion! As a result of turmoil, melodrama...these two little beings had to move to Chennai with me (more about the turmoil later) and live with their cousins.....who left no stone upturned to make them realize that they were the lesser beings. Admission in a new school also resulted in a double promotion for them....saved a year of schooling. It also meant real hard work on their academics....they were wonderful and co-operative! Also, through the meanest measures by my sister-in-law they both stood by me. After I had my first spiritual awakening, I remember them both with their heads on my lap....while I prayed and chanted and immersed themselves in the vibes thus created! While I know he is not much inclined towards rituals, spiritual seeds are sown deep in his psyche and will fructify when the right time comes. Right and wrong, just and unjust holds little meaning  for a child....the emotion counts! So is the case with my son. I have always told him, be a true Kshatriya! He has the possibility and the potential.....probably needs to be a little street smart....and the world awaits him. Childhood, teenage, university life, initial career, girlfriends......has been tough to say the least! But he has stood the test of time! I regret for my sake and his, that we have had very little time together! Its been lonely for me, I do not know how the abhav has affected him....or other delights have made up for it (I hope so)....but that is life! I pray for a balanced life for him....with the kind of warmth he deserves to bask in! As for me.....the journey alone is inevitable...and I cannot afford to let those samskaras get imbedded in me.... I can just wish total joy to this good soul God made me instrumental in creating.....and continue alone but not lonely.....be there for him without breathing down his neck or asking for my pound of flesh or declaring that he owes me this that and the other....let him flourish and proceed on his journey unfettered by me!