Life is pretty much not worth too much if the essence of Gratitude does not permeate the moments of breathing and living! I feel intense gratitude to the One that oversees all! As the years pass by, this centuries old soul encased in this body of Satyarupa in this birth is 'finally touching base!
Thus far I have only blamed myself, felt inadequate, guilty et all! I was weighed down with the belief that all my efforts to adjust to an alien environ were not getting the right response from my husband and his clan! All efforts to be the ideal Bahu, wife, mother, hostess, cook and housekeeper rolled into one seemed to fall short! I stepped into a home believing that this was just what I wanted. Linda Goodman declared the sun sign my husband falls under to be the ideal man to give me happiness and peace! Letters I wrote from Cairo, Mauritius, Beirut and several destinations I travelled to always spoke of dreams of a lovely home........little did I know that the Man of my Dreams could not help being otherwise. And the impact of his arrogance, careless attitude, inability to appreciate filtered into the behaviour patterns of the entire clan! There was space for me only as a Being to be taken for granted! My tears were only mine! My self-confidence at it lowest for years on end! And the despair soon resulted in deteriorating beauty, lack of joy and pretending, trudging along......but this discovery that I have chanced upon in New Forest explains it all! I am married and been with a man enmeshed in NPD! I feel compassion as I delve further into this disorder but also realise that neither will he change nor am I the failure I have considered myself to be these long years since 1997! I today feel gratitude for this realisation, this release from a burden!
Thus far I have only blamed myself, felt inadequate, guilty et all! I was weighed down with the belief that all my efforts to adjust to an alien environ were not getting the right response from my husband and his clan! All efforts to be the ideal Bahu, wife, mother, hostess, cook and housekeeper rolled into one seemed to fall short! I stepped into a home believing that this was just what I wanted. Linda Goodman declared the sun sign my husband falls under to be the ideal man to give me happiness and peace! Letters I wrote from Cairo, Mauritius, Beirut and several destinations I travelled to always spoke of dreams of a lovely home........little did I know that the Man of my Dreams could not help being otherwise. And the impact of his arrogance, careless attitude, inability to appreciate filtered into the behaviour patterns of the entire clan! There was space for me only as a Being to be taken for granted! My tears were only mine! My self-confidence at it lowest for years on end! And the despair soon resulted in deteriorating beauty, lack of joy and pretending, trudging along......but this discovery that I have chanced upon in New Forest explains it all! I am married and been with a man enmeshed in NPD! I feel compassion as I delve further into this disorder but also realise that neither will he change nor am I the failure I have considered myself to be these long years since 1997! I today feel gratitude for this realisation, this release from a burden!
