too much honesty.....can create complications, silence is golden!

Life was great as such....the best of schooling was a foregone conclusion for the army kids. Convents took us in willingly. The army had great respect, besides my dad was amazing in dealing with the school authorities and always would go out of the way for our future and happiness. However, a sense of inferiority started creeping in....in Sahajanpur in particular.The root was comments by my mother about my inadequacies and comments about the capabilities of my brother and sister. This is a sensitive period in the life of a growing child and probably was training ground for me. I certainly attempted to avoid that while nurturing my children. Being a mother is demanding and needs a lot of wisdom. Anyway....that also passed into the deeper recesses of the mind and life moved on. The mind has a habit of storing, irrespective of its usefulness or destructive nature. But I was always foolish, took things at face value and surprisingly continue to do so even today! In Dehradun, under a misconception about a senior friend....a guy chasing her each time we commuted in the school bus and her expressing disgust (while actually she was thrilled) made me stand up for her and speak up like an idiot to the guy.....boy! Did I get the wrath of the admirer....they painted the entire Clement Town walls with bitchy stuff about me! I was horrified and holed up in my house! My masi was in town....mom and masi went around the colony and got the orderly to cover it all with paint! That, I now realize was a trailer or sample of much worse and the most horrific character assassination which wrongly stuck on for ages and had an on-going impact in my life and its decisions! They say, situations occur due to Destiny and charter a path.........something breaks to make something......even if it was my heart! It broke many years later, but for now my mom handled things in her pragmatic way and life was back to normal!    

my delightful childhood...

My dad's career took us places. The memory is so mixed up, in fact I am not a great one for dates....I feel life should be a smooth flow of experience....dates make one tarry, milestones are irrelevant in the journey of the Being. It is a series of experiences formulating your thoughts and reactions, discovering where you are at the moment. I was one not to keep in touch with friends I left behind on each posting.The constant was the army environment, the sense of security totally oblivious to the big bad world outside the gated colonies. At times we lived in tents, at times in barracks or else in sprawling British Heritage homes....they left behind when they had to bow down to the efforts of our great leaders to give us Azad Hind! But each home seemed
equally comfortable. Probably there would have been politics and issues among the adults, for us it always was great fun! Canteen visits, movies in the makeshift army theater, picnics with perfect locations and arrangements was there for the asking. Brands, fancy toys, clothes from expensive stores...we were clueless,
Our life was joy of the outdoors, commuting in the army truck to and from school, great food served in proper British Style and playing in the outdoors, gardens, climbing trees! Life was so satisfying and I thank God for that wonderful childhood....not a care, not a thought, no guile whatsoever. Today, after all my training and research I realize that the age from inception in the womb to 6 yrs. of age is the crucial period. I sure got a strong base during that period. Hence, I keep shouting from the roof tops 'For Christ's Sake, please give your children the simple joys of life....set aside the brands....but sadly enough my voice falls on deaf years in the midst of all the fancy trimmings. My mother was not overtly loving but surely instilled essential qualities in us. Well, she was busy and most often I had a nanny but she did her bit and was a lady of  integrity.

The first decade begins....

I do believe the Punjabi Genes were embedded in me as much for being born in Punjab as also due to my parentage, but Dad was more Muslim in his approach to life....in the sense, bereft of love from his parents, a Muslim Lady whom he called Appa gave him nurturing and love. He, in fact has a greater place in memory zone. My mother was not really an important part of my early memories. No matter how hard I try very little emerges connected with my mother even in the early years of my being....amazing! My father, his touch,his pampering and playfulness comes as gentle comfort even today. My first school, Ackuland House in Simla is only a name but I do remember the beautiful sprawling house we lived in,the Ice Skating Rink where my parents used to skate, as much ice cream as we wanted in my dad's friend's restaurant, the beauty of Simla remain etched in my childhood memory. A great childhood and definitely  a strong base for my development.
I generally sleep  straight with my fists closed.....this speaks of, they say a sense of fearlessness. The base is surely my secure childhood. More tomorrow.........Nisha Swasti!

Karma...Life

Why these gaps in getting to my blog.........sometimes its difficult to face some truths! Life is such a crisscross, often one does not know why certain incidents occur, why relationships seem so great and then deteriorate. Is this a mystery of Karma or our decisions?
I am going to go ahead and review my life spanning the 6 decades I have resided in this body nearly 60 years. So much has transpired...............growth at a cost! Nothing comes for free anyway! Yet on the journey.........where it leads is to be seen......but after so many lessons surely I will pass. Its really easy if you skim the surface of Life, find the convenient path, allow the gentle lapping of water to caress your feet and find comfort in the gentle breeze....but if you delve to the deeper recesses of the Sea of Life, take on the Winds that lash out, you very well have to be prepared for the onslaught! How? Having taken on life as a challenge I found delving within- the only solace, not much else was available. But then magic came my way in the guise of individuals inspired by God. Each time at the right time! More later.